Friday, 18 April 2014

Carol meets Barbara Blowjob and Jayne meets her nemesis!

I woke up at seven this morning in a lot of pain from my shoulder, once again my hand had stopped working and the pain was locking up my back making walking hard work at anything above pensioner with two broken hips speed! So we decided that maybe a massage would help, after all it is close to physiotherapy, so why not give it a go. Well I can tell you that it is not as good as the physio I had in Koh Samui, but it did entertain...

Trying to find a massage place at half past nine in the morning is quite hard, most of them are shut and those who say on the shop sign that they open at ten were still closed at half past, so we were looking like having to give it a miss. Then we stumbled upon a place that had just opened with in seconds of us walking by, so we stopped for a chat and find out the price.

I Let Carol do the talking because she enjoys meeting people and she was told that an hours massage was three hundred Baht. The looks we got though were quite strange but it was clear that they thought what the hell, lets give it a go. It is a shame that we did not pick up on that fully, but then they had kids with them and the television was on playing a Russian dubbed Big Bang Theory episode that was quite odd to listen to. Carol went off with the shorter of the two women, the one wearing the most make up and I went with the other to the room next door. I explained to her that I was in a lot of pain and needed help and she went out of the room to get some muscle rub and told me to undress.

Next door, Carol was oiled up and was chatting with the woman doing the massage. My woman came back and told me to lie on my front and she started to work on my sore hips, which produced a yelp of pain from me, a giggle from her and call from Carol asking if I was alright. Next she started work on my damaged knee and once again produced a yelp of pain from me. It would seem that the nerve running from my hip to my foot was trapped slightly and this is why I was struggling to walk. The strength in her fingers was impressive and I could feel the muscle fibres being kneaded like dough, easing the pain in my joints.

Meanwhile next door, things had started to take a strange turn! All I could hear was a rather embarrassed Carol trying to explain to the woman massaging her that she did not want a sex massage! No really, she really did not want a sex massage and also her girlfriend was in the next room! She then had to explain to the woman that she was not also a working girl herself which caused much hilarity. At the end of my massage with was about as erotic as a food blender in a skip full of nappies, I walked out feeling some what more able to move and in a lot less pain to find Carol explaining that no one but her girlfriend could awaken her sexual appetite. As we left a rather bashful Carol tried to reassure that she had not requested a sex massage, but how could I not tease her? 

The next adventure came when we headed over to the Bike week paddock and had a look around, the Thai training school had riders on large bikes like the Honda NC700, a Kawasaki Versys and a couple of Yamaha R1s. The training they were doing was the equivalent of the British CBT and was pretty basic, which is worrying considering that the people on these bikes were already riding them on the roads! We watched a bit of the rider training, grabbed a couple of drinks and wandered around the site looking at the stalls. The midday sun though was furnace like and with both of us sweating significantly we decided to head back to the hotel for a while to cool down. As we stopped at the shop, my broken tooth started to throb again and given that there was a Dentist right there, I went and asked how much for a filling? 

Now a filling takes a few minutes, but my tooth had broken into several segments exposing the nerve and filling it would do no good. Also it had already been filled rather badly by my former Dentist Ffion at Houston's of Weston super Mare, back in the UK and she had made something of a hash job of it. My choices were spend ten thousand Baht having a crown made and fitted next week or to stop the pain now have it extracted. I went and got Carol...

The extraction was a little bit more complicated by the fact the filling that had been there had let decay in and the tooth had shattered leaving three large deep roots in my jaw and leaving the whole lot open to infection. So when the specialist arrived he had a good look in my gob and then almost shrieked when I offered to help with my Leatherman multitool! Now many of you will know that I am phobic of the Dentist and as he drilled into my broken rotted tooth, I squirmed and squealed. The Nurse held my hand and patted my shoulder, but the fear was so huge I could barely breath. At one point he stopped what he was doing and requested that I breath for him as he counted my breaths and I calmed down. Three sharp tugs and the the shattered roots were out and I had a mouthful of blood. When he started to stitch the large hole in my gum closed, I burst out into hysterical laughter as the thread was placed in and then drawn out of my mouth. I hate the fucking Dentists...

Hours later and the bastard thing was still bleeding and still painful, but it was not going to stop us enjoying ourselves, so it was off to Bike Night we went and a jolly good time we had until we started to feel hungry. Eating the food at the event was out of the question with my wounded jaw and a mouth full of blood, so we decided that if I was to eat anything it was to be soft, so we elected to head over to the Smokin' Fish. Once again I had a nice soft Pasta and Carol chose the burger, which turns out to the the Chef's special home made special. When my food arrived it was gorgeous. When Carol's food arrived she needed a step ladder to reach the top of the burger. I have never seen a burger so beautifully presented and when I tried a little bit, I was rather jealous because it tasted just perfect. Our little tip here, if you ever need food in Phuket, try this place, you will not be disappointed and Beaver the Chef is a top bloke.

So there you go, our adventure today was with peculiar prostitutes, evil Dentists, a shed load of dirty bikers and as we ate our glorious food we had a spectacular lightening storm. What a funny day...