Only in Thailand

Only In Thailand, can you be given the keys to the shop only hours after meeting the owner. Only in Thailand does a posh restaurant play videos of animal operations on the big screen while you try to eat. Only in Thailand is the theme for today's update!

"You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension — a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone." Or in this case, Thailand.

We have mentioned many times that the roads of Thailand present a significant danger, although those species with eyes on all facets of their head may well find the danger to be insignificant, but for the average human basic, the roads can be lethal. The primary danger is the white minibus driven at great speed by the pick up drivers who simply wish to transport as many tourists as possible in a limited space of time. These maniacs will tail gate you so closely, that you can smell gulped down sick of the passenger in the back seat. If you ride a bike, be it a huge muscle bike or a tiny scooter, these guys will see you as merely an obstruction over which they can drive. You will be pushed out of the road, almost run down and when you lose patience and stop, they have no idea of what your problem is! The white minibus will also over take long lines of traffic and suddenly cut in when the gap between them and on coming traffic is no longer larger enough to contain atomic oxygen. Over taking will often be saved for blind corners, blind crests of hills and gaps into on coming bikes.

Thai massage is wonderful, imagine gentle music playing, cool wind licking over your naked skin as a well trained medical professional rubs delicate soothing ointments into your stretched and aching muscles. Now imagine what we have seen here in the twilight zone of the tourist massage trade. Overly loud dance music blaring out as scantily dressed overly made women wearing too much jewellery attempt to extract hard currency from your purse by offering you the client of what ever age, gender or planetary origin a menu of playful, painful, or simply perverted practices. It saddens me greatly that these well trained and well practised medical professionals are treated as something else by tourists. Let me put it to you this way, would you ask the nurse who has just done your blood test for a quick hand job? The shame of it is that many of these women will now initiate the conversation because this is what they think is expected of them. Carol and I have both recently encountered this behaviour while seeking relief from pain during our stay in Phuket. I have had many massages now and can say with certainty that a medical massage is in no way erotic because it really, really hurts, while a relaxing massage is a waste of my time because it just puts me to sleep but does not stop my pain. At no point do I desire any fiddling in my pants!

Imagine if you will the end of a journey where at your destination you are suddenly asked to mind the shop you have just walked into. What would you do? This is the situation I found myself in upon my arrival here in Thailand recently as we discovered a rather fabulous bike shop here on Koh Samui. The owner of Keen Big Bikes is a lovely gentleman named Keen, in his early thirties, energetic and enthusiastic, what he does not know about the Honda Super Blackbird you can write in full on the back of a stamp. I popped over to say hello a couple of days ago and to see if he had seen Carol and Diarmuid who had gone out on a mission to collect a motorbike. He looked at his watch and said he would not expect them back just yet and I could wait if I wanted. He was fixing a Honda CBR and chatting away when suddenly he stood up and asked if I could watch the shop for a while and then he jumped on his bike and left. In no way could he know that I was trustworthy, but he gave me the chance to prove that I was. So I sat and watched his shop for half an hour until Carol arrived with the bike. twenty minutes later Keen arrived back and was all smiles. I guess that I passed the trustworthy test.

There are so many stories we can tell of only in Thailand, but some we dare not go into. Only Thailand will you be told that Prison is more human than in Britain and that British law is barbaric. Only in Thailand will the local cops drink your coffee and then nick you for riding with out a helmet while every one around you rides past not wearing a helmet. Only in Thailand will the Police give you the thumbs up for speeding, Only in Thailand can you score from the Rozzers! This truly is the Twilight Zone!

Only in Thailand can you find yourself in a posh restaurant, seated on the terrace at a table that has starched orange linen table cloths and napkins that are so well folded that they can be used as structural supports for the collapsing kitchen! Only in Thailand can you be told that the burger you wish to order for dinner that night is only available on the breakfast menu until eleven in the morning! Only in Thailand can you enter a fantastic custom shoe shop that has plush carpets and teak shelves showing the hand crafted motorcycle boots that cost tens of thousands of Baht and yet find behind the small door in the back, the bare concrete walled, dusty floor bed of the shop owner and his wife!

I cannot explain to you the incongruence of how things look and how things are here. The shop this morning had the door wide open, the sign in the window said in large friendly letters that it was open and yet the shop owner was in the shower because she did not expect any customers at that time! Imagine if you will a family who dwell in a hovel that is made from broken pallets and ripped hard board, they have no running water, they sleep on boxes covered in old blankets and yet they have a flat screen TV with satellite dish and a custom 4x4 outside! The balance of what matters and what does not is strangely mixed here. The working week here has no weekends, the Thai people are so driven by money and status that they work all hours and will buy the most luxury items rather than buy the essentials.

Finally imagine if you will a business that is clearly owned by a non Thai and in which non Thai practices are the norm. We encountered such a business only this evening, a restaurant that is clean, smart and modern. The food is cooked in plain view of the patrons and all looks normal, but remember this is Thailand, expect the Twilight Zone at any second and sure enough gently at first the weirdness starts to filter through. As our food arrives it is apparent that what was asked for and what was delivered do not compare favourably, so it is sent back and a replacement is requested, the misunderstanding of language is a common thing through out the galaxy and what is needed is a Babel Fish, but sadly since they do not naturally occur on Earth, we shall persevere. When the correct meal is delivered normality is almost present, but it was then that we noticed the television on the restaurant, showing a program about animal behaviour. Namely the consuming of other animals in horrific ways and with catastrophic results! So as we enjoyed our charming meal out we were presented with Dog operations, Snakes swallowing alligators that split them in half, Pelicans swallowing whole pigeons on city streets and frogs being torn apart alive by strange hill-billies who eat the resultant mess. 

Only in Thailand, not even the Restaurant at the end of the Universe is this bizarre!

Phuket Bike Week 18th - 19th April 2014

The ride out, Phuket by motorcycle

Carol riding the lovely Kawasaki ER6n

After a manic couple of days of riding on the scary locals roads, how much more relaxing can it be than to join a big ride out and block the streets of Phuket with about two hundred other bikers? Well actually it can really set you up for a day of fun and adventure. When there are two hundred of you, the other road users in Phuket suddenly start to be a little more polite to bikers, but having the Police stop all other traffic helps greatly. 

This was the day that Carol had been really looking forwards too, her favourite Thai band were headlining the stage later in the evening and the bike festival was under full swing. We had purchsed the obligatory pin badges for our waist coats and even a couple of tee-shirts each, so with the usual rally supplies stocked up, we were free to enjoy the ride out. The ride out was organised for three in the afternoon and so we did not miss the start we arrived at half past two and saw a line of bikes ready to go, all six of them were parked and there was no sign of any other riders joining in. Our hearts sank a little, we had hoped for a bigger event. However the thing to remember is that Thai people have a different concept on time, just ask the train company! At ten to three the queue started to grow and when we joined we were about ten from the front. At three o'clock, a mass of riders flooded into the paddock, custom Harleys, stretched out Honda chops and the standard big capacity sports bikes, the queue was now huge and the Police car at the front lead the procession out on the busy streets. At every Junction Police officers had blocked the roads so that we could pass through, bemused onlookers and shop owners lined the streets waving or taking pictures on their phones. 

As we paraded through the hot city streets moving slowly, the feeling of camaraderie was huge. It did not matter what kind of biker took part, patch club members, sports bikers, adventure bikers and just the average bikers all came together and rode as one big friendly group, the Thai culture although always friendly just seemed to spread through the bike clubs in a similar way that we do not see as much in the UK. Different clubs flying Thailand bottom rockers greeted each other with handshakes and the usual Thai greeting. Then we stopped. The street was not that long and all of the bikes totally blocked it as we stopped for a short break. Not speaking Thai we had no idea why we had stopped, but it soon became apparent when a beautifully dressed Bride and Groom walked towards the queue of bikes and posed for photos. I had visions of the Brides beautiful white satin and silk gown getting oil stained from some of the ratty old chops, but she remained as pure as her smile. The Groom sat astride a couple of the bikes in his smart suit and gave the biggest of smiles when he sat on a huge stretched chop and his friends took photos. This was clearly a very proud moment for him.

The heat in the street in which we had stopped was baking, we had parked in direct sunshine and as the rays hit the bikes, the seat pads warmed up until they were so hot they burned when we sat on them, talk about the hot seat! After a few minutes I was starting to cook in my clothes so I went and hid in the shade of a monument and sat on a wall next to a group of Policemen, all of whom gave me a beaming smile and a nod of hello. Carol was wandering about taking photos and talking to some of the British ex Pats that she had met and slowly in the high sun all of us baked until at last the ride out leader sounded his siren calling us back into the group and we set off once more. The Wedding couple left happy with their photographs of the bikes.

The streets of Phuket can be narrow and when packed with bikers there is barely enough room down the sides for a Rizla paper, but this did not stop the ride out emergency team from racing past and closing the next junction. The sound of their sirens made us look in our mirrors expecting to see a large Police Car or truck, instead we saw a small 110cc scooter with a Police Paramedic riding through the traffic at breakneck speed. While in the city though the ride out speed was quite sedate and we rarely went above twenty five miles per hour, it was a different story though once we hit the main roads and things opened up. On wide carriage ways we were up into the high fifties and occasionally in the sixties. One thing struck me as odd though. On the main roads into and out of Phuket, there are small speed humps! The equivalent in the UK would be to put speed humps on the M32 into Bristol. There were not very big, but if you were not fully concentrating, they could throw you off line somewhat.

Back on the ride out, we were heading towards the coast and the local marina, we cut through the stationary traffic and were then directed up the jetty, all two hundred of us rode up to the end where the office was located, turned around and made our way back down again. The custom Trike with the big V8 engine growled as it went past, a truly impressive sound making the Harleys seem almost quiet and boring. Once back at the landward end of the jetty we stopped and parked up for a few minutes while the final bikes rode past us. Once it was clear we set off again and this time across the car park and up the hill to the Navy Base. Three quarters of the bikes peeled off at this point, but Carol and I being in the front group were led up through the gates, past some very serious looking Thai Military guards. Thai people may in general be very friendly, but these guys looked like they could pull off your head with out even messing up their smartly pressed uniforms. 

The ride came to a halt outside a large military building, stood waiting were several high ranking officers who guided us towards parking our bikes and then over to a memorial monument. Suddenly this felt like familiar territory, British Legion Riders often make donations and show respect to the Armed Forces of the UK. These Thai bikers were doing the same thing, there was an exchange of gifts and then a small ceremony on the memorial monument similar to the RBL remembrance parade. Then after posing for photographs, we got back on our bikes and rode back down the hill to the helipad and the Officers Mess. All of the other bikers rejoined the group and we all parked up. From this point it all got a little strange and Carol and I were often baffled as to what was going on.

We were directed down onto the sandy beach, the sand was like yellow talc and so soft to walk on, gathered about were various groups of sponsors of the event and they were posing for photos. Somebody then produced a series of large water filled plastic bags and handed them out to the bikers. Seeing that Carol was empty handed, someone passed her a bag and when we looked inside it held a small group of orange and white stripy fish, similar in shape and colour to the now famous Found Nemo! The bags were sealed with an elastic band and this was undone and the bag holders directed towards the sea. This it turns out was an ecological program to release rare reef fish back into the ocean and Carol and I were lucky enough to take part. Taking her bag, she gently knelt on the damp sand and lowered the bag to the water, releasing the beautiful animals to the wild. Shocked and stunned, the small fish clustered together into groups and tried to stay out of the wash that deposited them back on the beach, with a few flicks of my glove though, the beached fish were back in the water and still looking startled. As they calmed down though, they slowly moved out into the slightly deeper and safer water, but remained with in sight of the bikers who had released them. Hundreds of them must have been released and hopefully hundreds of them are now repopulating the local reef.

The press were gathering groups of the various bikers together with Military officials and taking photographs for their various publications and Carol and I stood back not really grasping what they wanted. The main photographer for Bike Week though spotted us and called us over to be photographed with the most senior Naval Officer in charge of the Third fleet of Thailand! Yes, little old us mixing it up with the big wigs once again. We explained to him that we were British Legion Riders back home and he politely acknowledged that he knew what we did. He was such a gentle and softly spoken man, I could have listened to his voice all afternoon, it was hard to imagine that at his command the legions of Thai Sailors would unleash a barrage of death!

The ride back to the Bike Week site was fast and fun as once again we took up the roads and watched interested drivers taking photos on their phones or trying hard to edge out on to the road, only to be waved to a stop by the Police Paramedics on their scooters. Pulling back into the pavilion was an altogether different feel, as the now hundreds of locals had gathered to welcome us back in, parking though was now at a premium and we struggled to find enough space to get all of us back in. More and bikers though kept coming and the place was rocking with happy drunk people, noisy bike clubs cheering each other and revellers just enjoying the music coming from the various acts on the stage.

Our last day of adventures on Ko Samui

Monday 25th November

We started today early after another good nights sleep in our comfortable bed, after a swift shower we wandered downstairs to the the bar to meet one of Carol's friends that she made last time she was here. Adam of Rainbow Diving based in Ko Samui joined us for breakfast and a catch up with Carol. 

Following breakfast we wandered down the street looking for bikes to hire and found a place prepared to offer us a couple of higher CC engined bikes, but when they demanded that we leave our passports we chose to look else where and ended up with two red scooters. Our plan for the day was to explore Ko Samui and travel the circular road that goes all around the island. A simple enough plan you would think, but this is Curious Adventures, when has anything we have undertaken been simple?

Being out on two wheels again was a blast of freedom in paradise and quickly settled into the winding roads experience that riding around the island has. However there were a few too many loons out there and some of the other drivers were taking things a little too close for comfort to near death experiences for us. We stopped for tea at Smiles resort which although very pretty and with immaculate furnishings and staff was a little too plastic for my tastes, but Carol assures me that the place is first rate. The iced thick shake was fantastic and more than made up for the sight of many obese semi naked German tourists asleep on the small beach! 

Our next stop was the elegant granite slabs of the Grand Mother and Grand Father rocks, these two massive structures carved into the landscape by nature resembled the intimate parts of both a man and a woman laying together. Carol was gob-smacked that my usual stream of filth was restrained as I complained that she had simply brought me to a site that was in effect just a big rude joke! It was though utterly beautiful and in truth I could have spent many happy hours there just playing on the rock. Thailand has so many undiscovered climbs on those elegant cliffs spread across the country.

Carol sat on the Grandmothers Clitoral hood!

Back on the roads and things were starting to get more hectic with traffic getting heavier and more aggressive. I had a small taxi van attempting to drive onto my pillion seat and when he eventually overtook me, he cut back in so sharply I nearly hit his back bumper. Carol seeing this pulled over and we took five minutes out to calm down before heading over to the water falls.

The waterfall park is very tourist orientated and as such it felt a bit false. As we wandered up the path towards to restaurant we followed in the slow ponderous footsteps on elephants carrying  tourists in specially rigged seats. Seeing such magnificent animals up close was wonderful, but our feelings were tainted by the knowledge that these animals are tied to trees and made to do what the owners want. On the flip side of the coin though, these animals were once used as mining animals to haul heavy carts full of rock and ore. Once the mines closed the owners were left with animals that they could not care for and with the huge cost of feed the animals faced starvation. With them being captive animals they would struggle to rehabilitate back into the wild and their future was bleak. It is a complex issue and although we can see both sides of the argument, we still had feelings of empathy for the animals, even though it was clear that the owners loved them. 

At the restaurant we witnessed another pair of animals that had been removed from nature, namely two otters that were begging for food from the kitchen staff. There are some things in Thailand that are incongruous, the budhist way that all life is sacred and then the destruction of the natural habitat for cash crops. When poverty and the environment clash, there is only one outcome and it is not good for either side.

After our drinks and with me having forgotten my pain medication, I was effectively out of action, yet we wanted to see the waterfalls, so for a small fee we were able to jump onto (yes on top of the roof!) one of the ubiquitous Toyota Hi-Lux 4x4 trusks they have here and take a slow gentle ride up the hill. The driver though had other ideas and we were propelled at horrific speed across country, being bounced and battered as we went. Our feeble cries and bangings on the windscreen went unnoticed and with a final jolt we landed at the first waterfall! Painfully we climbed down from the truck, limping, dragging our mangled bodies as we walked up to what we thought was the falls. Not so, in typical Thai fashion we had simply been driven to a set of steps that climbed the cliff up to the falls.

The view from the truck, just before he went mad in the cab!

The falls were breathtakingly beautiful, again had been ruined by tourism. The wooden constructed pathway above the rushing waters was almost derelict and  with many people trying to get across them, the erosion to the path way was starting to show. As we took in the view, a pair of unruly British tourists decided to jump into the pools, so cue two grown men stripping down to their pants and leaping into the water. It made a lovely view! Back at the car park where our truck was waiting we declined to get back in, which caused a large amount of distress to the Thai driver and he was deeply sorry for the pain he had caused us. He stated that so many people like a adrenalin fuelled ride, that he had become accustomed to driving like that. However we remained unconvinced and so took another truck back down to the main park. Our visit to the waterfalls felt decidedly sour and with the rain now falling in vast sheets of water, we headed back home and got thoroughly soaked. 

Riding in the rain in Thailand is wonderful, the warm rain water soaked us to the skin, but the equally warm wind blew through our wet clothes taking away so much heat that we actually felt strangely comfortable. So much so that I could have kept riding for ever, but the pain in my shoulder was now so bad that I craved only pills and my bed. We returned the bikes and wandered up to our room.

After a warm shower to wash away the road dirt, we decided that the battered parts of our body needed some soothing, so we walked around the corner to Pin Tong massage for an hour of extreme comfort. She massaged away my aches and pains and when she touched my shoulder, the pain made me gasp. She studied it for a moment and then with hands of magic began to work around the area, kneading away what felt like bubbles in my flesh. The pain was exquisite, but as she worked, something in my arm clicked and my hand which always feels puffy and painful suddenly cleared and I even had full feeling in my fingers briefly. It seems like something is pressing on the nerves and as she massaged it away, the release in my arm and hand was divine. However as soon as she stopped, full pain resumed. Puzzled by this she worked my hand and arm and after our hour I had a fully working hand and no pain which lasted for close to half an hour. Yet as we sat in the bar, the pain slowly crept back into my system and as I write this, it is back to the usual high levels. For that time though, I felt energised and supple. Thai massage is wonderful, even if it does feel like a work out.

Facing our final night, we sat with out friends in the bar, enjoyed our dinner and finally said good night as we went to bed. Our time on Ko Samui although short has been greatly enjoyable, I think that both of us are sad to be leaving.  

What did the frog say when I found it looking at my book? *

Another busy day for Curious Adventures, lots of miles covered on the scooters, one of which is on the verge of breaking down! Typical, another bloody Yamaha bites the dust under my fat arse! I am starting to get a complex you know, every Yamaha I have ever had dealings with has been a bastard! Anyway, that is for later.

Last night we were bitten to buggery in our bed by god knows how many of those bastard insects, this despite my going mad with the bug spray and repellent. So today Mr Bao replaced out mosquito net because some of the holes in it were a little larger than they should have been! I also had a bad night sleep again and managed about four hours in total, which was just not enough, leaving me feeling most odd when we went out today. 

I also think that I am suffering with DEET poisoning, given how much of the filth I have plastered my body with. Hearing that back home it is cold, the streets are frosty and there is ice about is almost making me feel jealous of those of you back home as I melt in this heat and suffer with insect carnivores and parasites.

Anyway, back on track. Where did we go today Carol? I would tell you, but have no fecking clue as always, despite me leading the way there! She says it was Ratchaprapa Dam. The Dam itself has a bit of a dark history, completed in 1982, it flooded a vast area of rain forest with water and in effect displaced hundreds of people, took away their ability to sustain themselves and destroyed the habitats of many thousands of individual animal and plant species. The aim of the Dam was to produce green energy, through hydro-electric generation. Yet when you consider the damage done, it starts to look a lot less green. In discussion with Mr Bao our site owner and local guide he informed us that the energy produced is mostly sold to Malaysia who take roughly seventy percent of the power it produces. 

As the Dam was built, local animal species were captured and attempts were made to relocate them to new areas. Sadly these attempts were disastrous and most of the animals relocated were dead with in weeks, often due to the stress of human interaction. It was a costly mistake for local environmentalists to make and one that will not ever be repeated. 

So back to our trip to the Dam, given its difficult past, seeing this place presented us with a difficulty, it is spectacular to see, the lake is enormous and seems to stretch to the horizon, the islands that stand out of the water are actually the tops of the Limestone stacks that once stood hundreds of feet above the valley floor. It has a beauty to it, but in a man made way, it is too ordered to be natural and the Dam at its end reflects that. The locals were reimbursed in being given the rights to live in raft boats on the lake and they now make a living taking tourists on jaunts around the lake on various boats. When we went and looked into this, the cost was so high as to be prohibitive to us and we decided not to take the trip. The cost was broken down into sections. Hire of the boat, 1800 Baht for both of us. Cost of entering the park (stepping off dry land), 200 Baht per person. When he told us 500 Baht each to get on the water as we arrived, he technically lied to get our business and hope that we would be too embarrassed to walk away. But not me, I am a rude bitch and find such situations quite easy!

The Shrine over looking the lake

The view on the other side of the Dam

The ride to and back from the Dam was a huge amount of fun, the roads here are glorious and as we make our way, stop at various places or just stop at the lights, we are greeted by the locals with huge smiles, waves of friendship and often questions about where we are from. You could not wish to meet a more friendly and open people than the average Thai and thinking back to the way we are in the UK it almost makes me feel sad that in two weeks I must return home (to that blissful cold and winter!). One serious thing I noticed today is once again about the interaction of the average tourist and the locals. We have seen many tourists who have paid to be part of a group, these groups are ferried around in trucks not too dissimilar to livestock and their interaction with local people is constrained to tea rooms and the occasional monument. To me this is a horrible way to travel and I refer to this as the difference between a traveller and the travelled. Having seen a country this way I can go home and say to my friends that I travelled around and saw things. As a traveller, I am in the country, meeting people, being involved in some small way and staying away from the places populated by tourists who only speak their own language. This may sound like snobbery, but to me this is important, I want to come to a country and soak up the culture and in Thailand this is very easy to do because of the beautiful people who live here.

Riding small engined scooters is such a laugh, the Yamaha I have is a fairly new but battered example of one of those fashionable "girls" scooters, all pastel colours and swoopy graphics. As such I see it as my personal mission to ride it like I stole it! However with it being in the condition it is in, Carol did warn me to take it a little careful. Carol's scooter is a far cooler looking Honda, with sports bike styling and a big helmet box under the seat. Carol being a the cool one of our group there for has to ride the cool scooter while I wish to be a maniac on the girly thing. 

It might be 1100cc, but it is still a laugh

The scenery on the route today was spectacular and at times even I wanted to stop and take photos, a rarity for me who has the purist ideas of "my eyes are my camera and my memory is my photo album!" Anyway, I have Carol who is a fantastic photographer and I tend to take photos that would make good toilet paper! 

The rare occasion of me taking a good photo

Wild bananas growing on the side of the road

Time for a bottle of drink and chat with the locals

On the way home we pulled over because my shoulder had started to really hurt and I was losing feeling in my hand, never a good thing when riding a bike given which hand works the throttle. As I sat and Carol wandered about, I received several waves and hellos from passing Thais and then got another type of visitor. 

Look carefully and you will see the little smile of my visitor!

OK, so V was on TV years ago, but they were lizards so it was not that bad a joke!

So with that lot stored in the visual memory and the miles felt in my back side from  the paving slab seat it was time to head home and discover that I have missed one small patch with my sun cream and now have a circle of sun burn on the right hand side of my neck! I dare not step into the shower for fear of how it will feel, so will try tomorrow and hope for the best. 

Back in the bar with Mr Bao and his assistants, one of which is a young man who Mr Bao refers to as Ladyboy the chat once again turns to spiders given that Carol and I are going on a trip tomorrow with "Ladyboy" where hopefully we will learn his name and see some local wildlife. For a short while the young man disappeared and when he returned he presented me with a gift, a little brown ball all curled up. For a second I was heart broken as I thought I was given a dead spider, but it quickly stood up and then sat upon his hand before stepping gently onto my own hand. The beautiful animal was a Buffalo spider and is probably one of the most beautiful things I have seen on this trip. The fangs on the animal were huge, but it made no attempt to bite what so ever and simply walked up my arm and began to trail silk. 

Heart broken at being handed a dead spider

She awakens

My new friend

With the beautiful little animal released back to the bush in the garden she was found in and with us safely tucked up in our hut, I suddenly let out a yelp as I saw something brown and squidgy on the floor! Fortunatly it was not a lost poo from a night time emission, but was infact a Banded Bull Frog.

my hand is covered with plastic because this beasty produces a noxious chemical from its skin

Never ask a frog to review your book collection

So with said poisonous beasty removed from our hut it was time to tidy and for me to start playing all Ray Mears with the field craft. I carved up some toggles our of wood and made a system to hang up our bags to keep Mr Hoppy out of our bags and to stop him getting squashed in our luggage. 

Carving wood, not cutting off my callouses!

OK, who let Jayne have a sharp thing?

So that was our day, another busy curious adventure and now I am going to go to sleep because I am fecked and Carol is asleep already and although it is nearly seven PM in the UK, here in Thailand it is nearly two in the morning! Night night folks, love from us

XXXXXX

* Reddit... 

Spiders and Bikes, what more could a girl want?

Monday 11th November

Ouch! Our first night in the rain forest and it really hurt. The bed is not a bed, it is a shelf with a sheet over it, imagine a divan base with the mattress removed, that is what our bed is like. Sitting on it hurts, sleeping on it is painful and sleep only comes when exhaustion sets in. My shoulder hurts a lot again and this is spreading up my neck, five days on this is going to leave me exhausted and broken.

Stomach cramps awoke me this morning and the usual nastiness ensued, however with no running water and only a bucket for a flush, what on our arrival seemed quaint and amusing now feels unhygienic and dirty. 

The mosquito net that covers our bed has many holes in it and I have made an effort to repair as many as I can, yet depsite this we still got bitten last night. The mesh is not fine enough to keep out midges, it may be an idea to have a look at buying our own and hanging that up too. To keep this one closed last night and to prevent the big gaps we used a hair clip to hold the two sides together which seems to have held up over night despite us both tossing and turning all night and Carol's frequent trips to the toilet. 

In all, this may be a beautiful place, but there are some flaws that need to be addressed. Carol is thinking of hiring a couple of bikes today and then us trying to find an air mattress that we can put down on the bed. I have also ran out of antihistamine and the rash all over my body is itching again. So rather than sight seeing, we have some serious things to do before we can really enjoy it here. With the heat now rising and the fan in our hut keeping me cool as I sit nearly naked, the thought of putting on gear to ride a bike feels oppressive. 

Later

We went for a walk to have a look at the local shops and see if they had a mattress, no such luck and when we looked into bike hire, the cost was twice what we paid last time. The heat as we walked was horrendous and with the humidity we could not cool down. I know that it is humid here because washing I did yesterday is still wet, despite it being in the high 30s. It is also raining again which has lowered the temp enough to make it comfortable to wear my leather jacket to escape the bites of the mosquitoes. Despite the utter beauty of the place, it is a struggle to be here and I feel bad for not enjoying it. As a scientist I should love it here on the edge of a national park in the rain forest, but it is too hot.

On the spider front I have found a couple of juvenile Golden Orb spiders located on the hut and they were very beautiful, I also found a spider that was a shiny gloss black with a red markings on its underside. Although not typical of the Orb spiders colours, it did have a large web typical of an orb weaver species. Under the hut is a wasp nest being constructed by some thin bodied black wasps that again are very beautiful. Nesting in the pole that is on the shelving under the hut is a large black bee too, the animal is easily an inch a half long with a brutal sounding buzz, yet it seems so placid and gentle. While sat in the bar today we were visited by a large wasp, three inches in length and with a wing span closer to four. The animal displayed such precise flight as it hovered by the flowers in the bar and again seemed so much more placid than the Yellow Jacket wasps back home. While out on our walk we found some of the most beautiful Dragon Flies too, these were bright red and I think were three males fighting for a female who was a darker brown. They darted about and fought above the river and were large enough that they would have filled my hand had they landed upon it. The wild life continues to amaze me and on just a five minute walk about the camp site I found a couple of species of lizard, several large snail species and many large beetles and crickets. 

Look carefully for the spider at the top

A rubber tree being milked for latex

Given the enthusiasm with which I can enjoy seeing these amazing animals it saddens me that I can feels so negative about my stay here. However with my pain levels controlled and me being medicated I am more stable, especially once the heat drops to below thirty. Carol today came to me in my distress and just quietly held my hand as I had a bit of a cry, she seems to understand that my mood swings are not entirely controllable and are caused by my physical condition. The pain thing really gets me down and with our bed being as hard as a bank vault, I am in pain when I need to rest. 

Once again we retired to the bar at around half seven for dinner and once again it was utterly beautiful. The food is exquisite and the staff are lovely. We met a German couple who had been exploring in the jungle and spent the evening chatting with them and they were also lovely. 

I am now some what happier after another fabulous meal and some good company. Also I was able to have a look at my first large spider tonight, a Huntsman Spider that had hidden itself on the wall right next to the toilet in the bar! It was huge at about five inches across and with huge chellidae. Sadly it had obviously been in a bit of a fight recently and had lost a rear leg. It was a fabulous specimen and after taking a few photos I spent ages trying to identify it. 

Tuedsday !2th November

I have found a red horned spider in the restaurant and have tried to photograph this beautiful animal despite its tiny size. Sadly none of our cameras can really see the detail which to be honest neither can we with out a magnifying glass. We also have a tiny jumping spider on our mosquito net (which I am happy about as long as it eats some of the little bastards) that has the most interesting features, a set of front legs that are heavily developed in comparison with the other six and eyes that are massive, even for something the size of a money spider these features are visible. Again we have tried to photograph it but it is just too small. 

Early start for us today with bikes to sort out and places to go. Mr Boa took us down to the hire place where he had done a deal for us, which was good of him. The trip in the back of his 4x4 was most enjoyable, however the pleasure of getting out on two wheels once again was greater than pretty much all else. Carol has once again got the cool scooter while I am left with the girly shit one that does not run right, drinks fuel and will not run on idle. 

Jayne admires her latest machine

Riding a full auto is an experience that is either a joy or an irritation. Riding along and just enjoying the breeze is lovely, however when I need to drop a gear to over take slow moving traffic, it is just not possible so it trundles past slowly and I have to have the low down racer look on a flower covered fashion scooter! It is hilarious. 

Carol got stopped by the Rozzers today while on our ride, however Carol being Carol had her camera on and recorded the whole incident. On a later viewing with Mr Boa it turns out that they were in fact waving us through and just wanted to be friendly. A few miles later and I was desperate for fuel so had to stop and ask another Rozzer who was delighted to help, when he stopped laughing he pointed to the petrol station next to the Police Station. It also turns out that they do not use the word petrol here, but rather the word Gasoline. My ridiculous mime of fuelling up his truck brought a large smile to his face as it dawned upon him what I was asking for.  

Once we got back from our ride, we decided to ask Mr Boa about going swimming and he directed us down to a place called the Monkey Temple hole, which turns out to be a resort complex full of German tourists. The river was slow moving and filled with fish and pond skaters. The noise was incredible with frogs, lizards and Monkeys all calling out. Watching wild monkeys jumping about in the trees was lovely, but Carol could not tempt me to swim in the cold water.