Only in Thailand

Only In Thailand, can you be given the keys to the shop only hours after meeting the owner. Only in Thailand does a posh restaurant play videos of animal operations on the big screen while you try to eat. Only in Thailand is the theme for today's update!

"You unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension — a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone." Or in this case, Thailand.

We have mentioned many times that the roads of Thailand present a significant danger, although those species with eyes on all facets of their head may well find the danger to be insignificant, but for the average human basic, the roads can be lethal. The primary danger is the white minibus driven at great speed by the pick up drivers who simply wish to transport as many tourists as possible in a limited space of time. These maniacs will tail gate you so closely, that you can smell gulped down sick of the passenger in the back seat. If you ride a bike, be it a huge muscle bike or a tiny scooter, these guys will see you as merely an obstruction over which they can drive. You will be pushed out of the road, almost run down and when you lose patience and stop, they have no idea of what your problem is! The white minibus will also over take long lines of traffic and suddenly cut in when the gap between them and on coming traffic is no longer larger enough to contain atomic oxygen. Over taking will often be saved for blind corners, blind crests of hills and gaps into on coming bikes.

Thai massage is wonderful, imagine gentle music playing, cool wind licking over your naked skin as a well trained medical professional rubs delicate soothing ointments into your stretched and aching muscles. Now imagine what we have seen here in the twilight zone of the tourist massage trade. Overly loud dance music blaring out as scantily dressed overly made women wearing too much jewellery attempt to extract hard currency from your purse by offering you the client of what ever age, gender or planetary origin a menu of playful, painful, or simply perverted practices. It saddens me greatly that these well trained and well practised medical professionals are treated as something else by tourists. Let me put it to you this way, would you ask the nurse who has just done your blood test for a quick hand job? The shame of it is that many of these women will now initiate the conversation because this is what they think is expected of them. Carol and I have both recently encountered this behaviour while seeking relief from pain during our stay in Phuket. I have had many massages now and can say with certainty that a medical massage is in no way erotic because it really, really hurts, while a relaxing massage is a waste of my time because it just puts me to sleep but does not stop my pain. At no point do I desire any fiddling in my pants!

Imagine if you will the end of a journey where at your destination you are suddenly asked to mind the shop you have just walked into. What would you do? This is the situation I found myself in upon my arrival here in Thailand recently as we discovered a rather fabulous bike shop here on Koh Samui. The owner of Keen Big Bikes is a lovely gentleman named Keen, in his early thirties, energetic and enthusiastic, what he does not know about the Honda Super Blackbird you can write in full on the back of a stamp. I popped over to say hello a couple of days ago and to see if he had seen Carol and Diarmuid who had gone out on a mission to collect a motorbike. He looked at his watch and said he would not expect them back just yet and I could wait if I wanted. He was fixing a Honda CBR and chatting away when suddenly he stood up and asked if I could watch the shop for a while and then he jumped on his bike and left. In no way could he know that I was trustworthy, but he gave me the chance to prove that I was. So I sat and watched his shop for half an hour until Carol arrived with the bike. twenty minutes later Keen arrived back and was all smiles. I guess that I passed the trustworthy test.

There are so many stories we can tell of only in Thailand, but some we dare not go into. Only Thailand will you be told that Prison is more human than in Britain and that British law is barbaric. Only in Thailand will the local cops drink your coffee and then nick you for riding with out a helmet while every one around you rides past not wearing a helmet. Only in Thailand will the Police give you the thumbs up for speeding, Only in Thailand can you score from the Rozzers! This truly is the Twilight Zone!

Only in Thailand can you find yourself in a posh restaurant, seated on the terrace at a table that has starched orange linen table cloths and napkins that are so well folded that they can be used as structural supports for the collapsing kitchen! Only in Thailand can you be told that the burger you wish to order for dinner that night is only available on the breakfast menu until eleven in the morning! Only in Thailand can you enter a fantastic custom shoe shop that has plush carpets and teak shelves showing the hand crafted motorcycle boots that cost tens of thousands of Baht and yet find behind the small door in the back, the bare concrete walled, dusty floor bed of the shop owner and his wife!

I cannot explain to you the incongruence of how things look and how things are here. The shop this morning had the door wide open, the sign in the window said in large friendly letters that it was open and yet the shop owner was in the shower because she did not expect any customers at that time! Imagine if you will a family who dwell in a hovel that is made from broken pallets and ripped hard board, they have no running water, they sleep on boxes covered in old blankets and yet they have a flat screen TV with satellite dish and a custom 4x4 outside! The balance of what matters and what does not is strangely mixed here. The working week here has no weekends, the Thai people are so driven by money and status that they work all hours and will buy the most luxury items rather than buy the essentials.

Finally imagine if you will a business that is clearly owned by a non Thai and in which non Thai practices are the norm. We encountered such a business only this evening, a restaurant that is clean, smart and modern. The food is cooked in plain view of the patrons and all looks normal, but remember this is Thailand, expect the Twilight Zone at any second and sure enough gently at first the weirdness starts to filter through. As our food arrives it is apparent that what was asked for and what was delivered do not compare favourably, so it is sent back and a replacement is requested, the misunderstanding of language is a common thing through out the galaxy and what is needed is a Babel Fish, but sadly since they do not naturally occur on Earth, we shall persevere. When the correct meal is delivered normality is almost present, but it was then that we noticed the television on the restaurant, showing a program about animal behaviour. Namely the consuming of other animals in horrific ways and with catastrophic results! So as we enjoyed our charming meal out we were presented with Dog operations, Snakes swallowing alligators that split them in half, Pelicans swallowing whole pigeons on city streets and frogs being torn apart alive by strange hill-billies who eat the resultant mess. 

Only in Thailand, not even the Restaurant at the end of the Universe is this bizarre!

Koh Samui 2014 - A curious broken Jayne adventure

For this trip away we are taking things a little more easy, more relaxed and for me more pain. This trip is all about pain really, after all it has been paid for as a direct result of an accident in the work place where I was hit on the shoulder by a very heavy box that slipped from a badly stacked pile and hit me on the neck.
 
  Carol has been amazing she has once again planned and booked us both a trip that we can enjoy and in which I can find the treatment I so badly need on my fucked shoulder. My first treatment was last night and to describe it as relaxing, enjoyable or refreshing would be a lie. Instead it was painful, hard work and I cried through much of it, but once again a Thai medical physio therapist and masseuse instantly found where the damage was in my body and set about putting it right. Imagine if you will a very petite tiny Thai woman in her early to mid fifties with a gentle nature and a kind face and that is her. However you can then imagine her putting me through my paces and how my tears flowed.
   
  This morning waking up at six was not in my usual silence, it was with a gasp of pain and a cry for help to Carol to get me my pain meds. Today I can barely move, the pain in my back and shoulder is a combination of over worked muscles and my fucked shoulder and yet I have a great deal of movement in my injured bits. Once the pain meds had kicked in and I was able to move, we walked down the ten metres of beach and waded into the warm sea. It was seven AM... I was floating in the sea at seven in the morning while Carol swam near by. After a little while I to was able to swim a little, but I tired quickly and we both retired to the beach hut and a warm shower.
   
  We have at last found paradise, the sea is so close to our hut that it soothes us to sleep at night and wakes us in the morning with its gentle lapping waves. The hut itself is elegant and cool, tiles floors, a real shower and bed so comfortable I could stay here forever. This is paradise, but it comes at a cost and I know that once our money runs out, paradise ends and our flights back home take us into a new reality.
   
  Carol and Steve from Bridge Motors are planning on setting up a training school for motorcycle riders, so once we are back home the hard work starts again as once more a new venture is started and a new way for us to make our living is tried. It is going to be hard work and I know that Carol will be tired as she works every day training people to be safe on the roads. For me. I do not know what the future holds, the money I was awarded is running out fast as we spend a lot on this trip and treatment and my bike back home is modified for my increased comfort.
   
  Yet where do I find myself in Thailand once again? Sat on a hired motorcycle, this time a fully working Honda CB500 which as it turns out is a fantastic little bike. No word of a lie, it is nippy, fun and rides with a character that the CBF600 I had some time ago lacked. It is no where near as refined as my precious Suzuki, but then I have spent a great deal of time and money making Sylvie into the machine of my dreams. She is no longer the entry level sports bike she once was, but rather a mixture of genres, half sports bike, half touring bike and all mine. It is true that I miss my bike while I am here, but the other truth is that Sylvie is too much machine for these roads on Koh Samui. Here her power is too much, the roads filled with other people many of whom have a death wish. I would not want to ride Sylvie on the roads of Koh Samui because she would never get out of third gear and the fear I have while riding would be amplified with her sports heritage shining through, so a plucky little CB500 will do me for now. Would I want one back home? It would make a very friendly training bike I suppose, but with the small size and lack of thrills, I think that I would tire of it very quickly. Sylvie is my road Queen of which I have no doubt.
   
  As for Carol, she is riding a Kawasaki ER6, a lovely machine in looks if not comfort. The seat felt like a paving slab to me and the engine was just a little too lively for my liking. Carol though make it look like a push bike with the way she can throw it around on the road and push the bike to its edges. Watching her ride is a sublime experience, she does not so much as ride down the road as slink like a big cat, cool, watchful and with the sudden roar from the exhaust she is the tiger of the road.
   
  I am loving this trip for everything that it differs in from our last visit here. This time is more relaxed, more gentle and yet it still has the hard purpose of wanting to do things. We are not just here to slob around on beach until it is our time to fly home, we want to visit the friends we made last time, we see the places that we missed on out last trip and most importantly of all, we want to do it together. This trip also happens to be the aniversary of Carol and I starting our partnership, six years together and yet i feels like only yesterday that we met. Our love feels like the supportive roots of the giant tree that is our relationship and I could not be happier right now than I am with my Darling Carol sat with me on this beach. Fuck the pain, I only feel love today.

Island Paradise Version 2.1

Sunday 24th November

Ko Samui...

How much of this hell must I endure? This place is Hades and I know not why I am condemned to suffer in this infernal torment. Only this morning I was forced to suffer a colossal breakfast of eggs, sausage, bacon, beans and toast. This was washed down with two large glasses of ice Pineapple juice. No one should have to endure this, this torture, this hell. Following breakfast we returned to our brutally comfortable bed and slept for another couple of hours of rest. This hell is taking away the hardness we created at the island of Chui!

Yes folks, being serious for a moment, Ko Samui is not only beautiful, it is great fun too and so far we we have barely scraped the surface. Once again Carol has made new friends in the bar and this evening I found her showing people her photos of home and holding court with the staff of the hotel. Although we are not in the most auspicious part of Ko Samui, we are in a vibrant part of it and with the port just a few minutes walk away, when it comes to leaving, we can stay here right up until the last few minutes. 

After all of yesterdays travelling, we were exhausted and after breakfast we returned to our room, curled up on the bed and fell asleep for another couple of hours. Once we awoke though we were feeling like exploring and left the comforts of our air conditioned room to head out into the sunny warm streets. With a sea breeze blowing in, the weather was cool for Thailand but still hot for us cold British types. As we wandered along the streets enjoying the smells and flavours of the area we had a sudden painful discovery. Once again Carol has lost her bank card and after we returned to the hotel we searched every bag and pocket until it finally set in that it was gone. This left us with eight thousand Baht and with us still needing to buy tickets back to the mainland, buy food and keep ourselves busy it was looking like we were buggered!

So with a few horrible minutes spent on the phone it was time to try my bank card again and it failed us once more time. So it was back on the phone to find out why my bank was playing silly buggers and it turned out to be due to them trying to protect me from identity fraud. With that fixed, we had access to some basic funds and once again we could breath a sigh of relief because to be honest the thought of Squid Ink potnoodle for dinner every night was making us want to puke! As I drew money from the cash point though we made a discovery, unlike British ATMs, Thai cash points ask you if you want your card back and with the question coming up in Thai, it is hard to know what button to push.

So back out on the streets and wandering about we met a bunch of local bikers, with the sort of bikes we see back home. Parked up outside the bikers shop was a Yamaha Dragstar, a Kawasaki z1000 and a couple of small scooters. The guy riding the z1000 was dressed in black jeans, a black biker t-shirt and white trainers. He rode with no gloves, no jacket and no helmet on a bike that has more power than my precious Sylvie and a top speed in scary triple figures. 

No idea what this is, but it was damn pretty

A while later though we decided to try a new burger bar and were greeted with huge smiles and a polite bow, inside we found a charming German who proudly showed us his menu and assured us that his kitchen was clean. He was not wrong, it was clear that the place was spotlessly clean and the comfortable seats in the air conditioned lounge made a wonderful place to settle for weary travellers. The burgers are clearly aimed at the Asian palate, but that does not detract from their flavour in any way, if anything it adds more spices and flavour to what could otherwise just be a plain burger. If you do not believe me, head over to Ko Samui and check out the HD Burger Bar in Nathon and tell them that Jayne sent you. You wont be disappointed I promise, especially now that they know how to make a proper cup of tea. Yes Carol and her ability to make friends also includes her buying tea bags and teaching them how to use them. 

Following this we went for another wander and saw some more of the sites before heading back to our hotel. Sadly for me, I am feeling rather poorly again due to missing one set of my medication last night. This evening I was feeling very dizzy and struggled to explain how I felt to my dear Carol. The only way I could describe it is like being in the horrible stage of being drunk, but with out the brain fog and then with a live power cable touching me somewhere. So it was off to bed for me and a nice lay down in the air conditioned comfort. 

Aww, look what we found

So far Ko Samui is wonderful and mean while in Ko Phra Thong an awful monsoon is literally raining destruction upon the region, it truly does seem like we escaped just in time.

What did the frog say when I found it looking at my book? *

Another busy day for Curious Adventures, lots of miles covered on the scooters, one of which is on the verge of breaking down! Typical, another bloody Yamaha bites the dust under my fat arse! I am starting to get a complex you know, every Yamaha I have ever had dealings with has been a bastard! Anyway, that is for later.

Last night we were bitten to buggery in our bed by god knows how many of those bastard insects, this despite my going mad with the bug spray and repellent. So today Mr Bao replaced out mosquito net because some of the holes in it were a little larger than they should have been! I also had a bad night sleep again and managed about four hours in total, which was just not enough, leaving me feeling most odd when we went out today. 

I also think that I am suffering with DEET poisoning, given how much of the filth I have plastered my body with. Hearing that back home it is cold, the streets are frosty and there is ice about is almost making me feel jealous of those of you back home as I melt in this heat and suffer with insect carnivores and parasites.

Anyway, back on track. Where did we go today Carol? I would tell you, but have no fecking clue as always, despite me leading the way there! She says it was Ratchaprapa Dam. The Dam itself has a bit of a dark history, completed in 1982, it flooded a vast area of rain forest with water and in effect displaced hundreds of people, took away their ability to sustain themselves and destroyed the habitats of many thousands of individual animal and plant species. The aim of the Dam was to produce green energy, through hydro-electric generation. Yet when you consider the damage done, it starts to look a lot less green. In discussion with Mr Bao our site owner and local guide he informed us that the energy produced is mostly sold to Malaysia who take roughly seventy percent of the power it produces. 

As the Dam was built, local animal species were captured and attempts were made to relocate them to new areas. Sadly these attempts were disastrous and most of the animals relocated were dead with in weeks, often due to the stress of human interaction. It was a costly mistake for local environmentalists to make and one that will not ever be repeated. 

So back to our trip to the Dam, given its difficult past, seeing this place presented us with a difficulty, it is spectacular to see, the lake is enormous and seems to stretch to the horizon, the islands that stand out of the water are actually the tops of the Limestone stacks that once stood hundreds of feet above the valley floor. It has a beauty to it, but in a man made way, it is too ordered to be natural and the Dam at its end reflects that. The locals were reimbursed in being given the rights to live in raft boats on the lake and they now make a living taking tourists on jaunts around the lake on various boats. When we went and looked into this, the cost was so high as to be prohibitive to us and we decided not to take the trip. The cost was broken down into sections. Hire of the boat, 1800 Baht for both of us. Cost of entering the park (stepping off dry land), 200 Baht per person. When he told us 500 Baht each to get on the water as we arrived, he technically lied to get our business and hope that we would be too embarrassed to walk away. But not me, I am a rude bitch and find such situations quite easy!

The Shrine over looking the lake

The view on the other side of the Dam

The ride to and back from the Dam was a huge amount of fun, the roads here are glorious and as we make our way, stop at various places or just stop at the lights, we are greeted by the locals with huge smiles, waves of friendship and often questions about where we are from. You could not wish to meet a more friendly and open people than the average Thai and thinking back to the way we are in the UK it almost makes me feel sad that in two weeks I must return home (to that blissful cold and winter!). One serious thing I noticed today is once again about the interaction of the average tourist and the locals. We have seen many tourists who have paid to be part of a group, these groups are ferried around in trucks not too dissimilar to livestock and their interaction with local people is constrained to tea rooms and the occasional monument. To me this is a horrible way to travel and I refer to this as the difference between a traveller and the travelled. Having seen a country this way I can go home and say to my friends that I travelled around and saw things. As a traveller, I am in the country, meeting people, being involved in some small way and staying away from the places populated by tourists who only speak their own language. This may sound like snobbery, but to me this is important, I want to come to a country and soak up the culture and in Thailand this is very easy to do because of the beautiful people who live here.

Riding small engined scooters is such a laugh, the Yamaha I have is a fairly new but battered example of one of those fashionable "girls" scooters, all pastel colours and swoopy graphics. As such I see it as my personal mission to ride it like I stole it! However with it being in the condition it is in, Carol did warn me to take it a little careful. Carol's scooter is a far cooler looking Honda, with sports bike styling and a big helmet box under the seat. Carol being a the cool one of our group there for has to ride the cool scooter while I wish to be a maniac on the girly thing. 

It might be 1100cc, but it is still a laugh

The scenery on the route today was spectacular and at times even I wanted to stop and take photos, a rarity for me who has the purist ideas of "my eyes are my camera and my memory is my photo album!" Anyway, I have Carol who is a fantastic photographer and I tend to take photos that would make good toilet paper! 

The rare occasion of me taking a good photo

Wild bananas growing on the side of the road

Time for a bottle of drink and chat with the locals

On the way home we pulled over because my shoulder had started to really hurt and I was losing feeling in my hand, never a good thing when riding a bike given which hand works the throttle. As I sat and Carol wandered about, I received several waves and hellos from passing Thais and then got another type of visitor. 

Look carefully and you will see the little smile of my visitor!

OK, so V was on TV years ago, but they were lizards so it was not that bad a joke!

So with that lot stored in the visual memory and the miles felt in my back side from  the paving slab seat it was time to head home and discover that I have missed one small patch with my sun cream and now have a circle of sun burn on the right hand side of my neck! I dare not step into the shower for fear of how it will feel, so will try tomorrow and hope for the best. 

Back in the bar with Mr Bao and his assistants, one of which is a young man who Mr Bao refers to as Ladyboy the chat once again turns to spiders given that Carol and I are going on a trip tomorrow with "Ladyboy" where hopefully we will learn his name and see some local wildlife. For a short while the young man disappeared and when he returned he presented me with a gift, a little brown ball all curled up. For a second I was heart broken as I thought I was given a dead spider, but it quickly stood up and then sat upon his hand before stepping gently onto my own hand. The beautiful animal was a Buffalo spider and is probably one of the most beautiful things I have seen on this trip. The fangs on the animal were huge, but it made no attempt to bite what so ever and simply walked up my arm and began to trail silk. 

Heart broken at being handed a dead spider

She awakens

My new friend

With the beautiful little animal released back to the bush in the garden she was found in and with us safely tucked up in our hut, I suddenly let out a yelp as I saw something brown and squidgy on the floor! Fortunatly it was not a lost poo from a night time emission, but was infact a Banded Bull Frog.

my hand is covered with plastic because this beasty produces a noxious chemical from its skin

Never ask a frog to review your book collection

So with said poisonous beasty removed from our hut it was time to tidy and for me to start playing all Ray Mears with the field craft. I carved up some toggles our of wood and made a system to hang up our bags to keep Mr Hoppy out of our bags and to stop him getting squashed in our luggage. 

Carving wood, not cutting off my callouses!

OK, who let Jayne have a sharp thing?

So that was our day, another busy curious adventure and now I am going to go to sleep because I am fecked and Carol is asleep already and although it is nearly seven PM in the UK, here in Thailand it is nearly two in the morning! Night night folks, love from us

XXXXXX

* Reddit... 

Rainforest - a bad idea or the lungs of the planet? Only on Curious Adventures...

Saturday 9th November

Happy Birthday foo foo, funny anniversary I know but there you go.

Bangkok station

Today is another day of travel and we are taking the nicest train we have seen yet, although the air con is on so high I am actually cold! There is no pleasing some people is there. The views from the train have been spectacular and Carol has taken so many photos as we shoot along the tracks, although I suspect that some of the reason for this is so she can escape from the ice box carriage.

After last nights disaster at the restaurant I am unable to get the taste of sick from my mouth. Yes, I got up at about three and tried to keep the contents of my stomach there, some of them have stayed, but I feel like I have a canon ball in my tummy and at some point am going to have a bottom explosion!

The journey from Bangkok has been one of feelings of sadness at times, the storm that is coming has already swept through some of the areas it seems and we have seen people flooded out of their homes, even if those homes are just tin shacks made from corrugated steel and old wood.

At the same time we have seen some of wild Thailand, the wooded slopes of mountains covered in the thick green canopy of the jungle. It looks beautiful from the cool of our carriage, but out there the heat is dense and claustrophobic. Trekking through there would see us soaked in sweat in minutes and with this load we are carrying as we travel to our next hotel, I doubt that we could walk more that a mile or two before exhaustion wiped us out for the night. The jungle starts a few feet from the train and is a impenetrable wall of green, I have never seen forest like it and where it does open up it is to reveal a plantation of palms. The jungle floor is also a thick green carpet of plants, however some of them cover the rivers and streams that flow through and walking there would suddenly get you very wet feet. For some where so warm, I cannot imagine anywhere more hostile to the humble traveller and thinking back to the men and women who have fought wars here I am filled with even more respect for them.

A while ago lunch was served on the train, not something I expected I will be honest, but Thailand does things differently. Anyway, lunch was a series of plastic pots with foil lids containing boiled rice, herring in chilli sauce and something I did not manage to identify. With my complete lack of appetite I did not want to eat and even Carol turned down this little treat! The thought of chilli herring did little to appeal to her palate it seems.

I am not asleep, I am resting my eyes!

As long as this guy stays awake, all is OK.

The journey from the station to the guest house was fast, not just speedy, but down right fast. The guy driving the truck drone like he was at Le Mans! How he did this with a clear conscience I do not know because hi friends were stood on the lowered tail gate because the truck was full! They must be used to it though because one of them answered his phone during the ride and had to bend down out of the wind to talk, which he did ar great speed also! I did not ask if they had taken any speed too, but it did seem likely with their wildly animated actions and complete disregard for other road users and their passengers!

Thankfully we landed safely at the guest house and we were met by the landlady of the place, who seemed very new and enthusiastic at the guest-house business. Her place was simple, basic but nice and the bed was pretty comfortable, although no where as nice as the bed at Tara. The more places we stay in, the more that I realise just how utterly spoiled we were there. Once we had settled and sorted our kit into the room, it was time to find something to eat and with little about it was down to a choice of local places. So we picked one that was an outside place, with a tarp over the frame work to keep any rain off the cooking and diners. It sounds rough, but it was clear that he woman who owned it was lovely in a Mumsy kind of way. Her daughter was also about and together they spoke some good English and then helped us to improve our Thai. The food was quickly cooked and when served smelled delicious, the taste though was another story, under the gentle flavour there was fire and with in seconds my mouth felt like I was eating molten metal! With each mouthful the pain got greater and the chilli rush got more intense, this was not just a meal, this was a chilli work out and I loved every burning mouthful, we then retired to our room and both fell asleep quite soon, only to be woken by a terrific storm. The rain was beyond heavy, it was a torrent, a wrath of god shower and with in seconds the street flooded as the drains struggled to carry the sudden load. The pathways disappeared under water and I grew concerned that as Thai custom was to leave your shoes outside, ours would be swept away. Thankfully the rain finally stopped, but my heart went out to all the very poor in Thailand, the ones who live in tin shacks beside the railway. So many of them had already been flooded out, the extra rain would decimate their homes, leaving them standing in water up to the knees in places.

The following morning we packed and left quickly, probably so that the Landlady could get rid of the foreign toe rags that has soaked her bathroom and farted in her room! Yes, me guilty.

Sunday 10th November

The bus ride to the middle of no-where!

The taxi who dropped us off shot off at speed and left stood lost in the middle of the bus station, a local who we mistook for a ticket tout at first directed us to his bus and then tried to tell us to buy a ticket, it turned out that he was the conductor of the bus we needed and he assumed that we were going to Phuket. Once we sorted it out, him and Carol then compared knock off Zippo lighters and I had a lesson in Thai speaking from a local woman who was off on her holidays to the rain forest. The journey on the bus was hot and sticky and the half filled bus quickly filled up at each stop until it was crammed full like a box of extra sticky dates!

Our bus, not the dents, peeling paint and smashed front light!

Jayne learning to speak more Thai

Our bus inside

Local housing

After what felt like hours (in relative comfort to be honest) on the coach we finally set down in the Khao Sok National Park and it is such a beautiful place it can almost bring a weary traveller to tears. Our room for the next few nights does not have many comforts, but then we are now sleeping in the rain forest with only a simple shelter for our safety. We do have though a large fly net that comes draped over our bed and this has a fine mesh that can keep out the most serious of biting pests, such as tigers, bears, dogs, fruit bats and if we are lucky, a couple of the seriously hungry mosquitoes!

our new home, yes it is on stilts, but this is rain forest, it rains a lot here.

Our room

This is our place, lovely but it sways in the wind.

As you can see, rain forest.

This is where we have lunch

The place we are staying is utterly breath taking, the sounds of the rain forest are like no other you have heard, at one point I though I could hear a power drill going for ages but this turned out to be a type of grass hopper! It was so loud it was almost torture and as I type this from bed, it sounds like an extra loud hearing test is being conducted here with frogs, lizards, birds, insects and lord knows what else making their songs heard. What is this all in aid of? Shagging... All of those noisy bastards are advertising their bodies for the use of procreation. Not that I am jealous at all, but when the house you live in sways as you walk across the floor, anything more vigorous is going to induce sea sickness!

Our first meal in the rainforest was sublime, the owner of the site (a massive Liverpool football club fan) had a game on the TV that he was quietly following while enjoying a beer or two, given a change of language to something more caustic and he could have been in the UK. What we ordered was a yellow curry, what came was a bowl of the most fantastically good tasting curried chicken, with rice and a side order of fries (well the chips smelled so good it would have been rude not to!) The gentle under-flavour of pineapple came from the freshly picked fruit taken from a near by tree, it added to the sharp burn of the curry and with a gentle flavour also tempered it down a little. It would seem that for much of this trip, I have become a food critic, but as some one with a lot of food allergies, I have had very little problems with the fresh from the tree produce that they have here.  After dinner we sat and enjoyed the local site, the owner was pointing out what animal made each noise and I noticed that there was a snail the size of a small car zooming (at snail speed) past out table. We got strafed by a huge bat that flew across the bar area and was utterly beautiful and incredibly fast and we also had our usual wall climbing lizards.

The rain when it came back though was another huge down pour that quickly flooded the woodland floor and caused us to worry that we would be flooded out. The owner though just laughed and said quietly "welcome to the rain forest, it will stop again in fifteen minutes!" and he was not wrong.

The rain fall is impressive and flooded here in minutes.

Once the rain stopped the water simply soaked away and with in minutes the floor was clear and the walkways almost dry, the temperature had dropped though to a more comfortable furnace.

So as I prepare for sleep, you can rest assured that I am enjoying the rain forest, even though the parking and shopping facilities are awful. A nice concrete multi-storey with added mall would be useful for somewhere to go to get away from the heat!

A car park here would have spectacular views!