After our visit to the Jeath war museum we took a ride on our little hire bikes, which we had parked by the bridge over the river Kwai. To one of the war graveyards. 

Bridge along the river Kwai

Blog update from Tara's B&B on the River Kwai

Trains and motorbikes, a nerds dream.

Sunday 3rd November

Bangkok to Kanchanaburi

Woke up this morning after not enough sleep once again and with a stomach like a car battery, with little to eat and only fizzy sugar water to drink the pH of my stomach has dropped well below normal and I can now digest all forms of food, grazing animals, sea bound reptiles and recovered metals. Number plates are my favourite because in Thailand they are stamped out of metal.

Later today we catch a train to Kanchanaburi and our next stop on out tour of Thailand, Carol was this only morning watching clips on You Tube of the film Bridge of over the river Kwai, which brought her to an emotional release and a few tears, especially as we are going to visit the graveyard of the soldiers who died working on the project. Carol is a complex person for whom her passions run deep with in, I know that this part of the trip means a great deal to her and that she would lay a wreath on the memorial if she could.

So with only a few hours left in Bangkok for the next few days, we have decided to hire a taxi to the station, especially as since her massage yesterday, her damaged foot is really hurting. I will add to this list of damaged bits and state that my shoulder is horribly sore and I do not know how I am going to carry my back pack. Thankfully most of the weight will sit on my waist, but even so my shoulder is very tender today.

When we asked the hotel girl to order a taxi for us, she got us a good one and it was some one who they knew, probably a family member and he was lovely too. He was lamenting that he had recently had an accident in the car and the rear door and paint had been damaged, but not too badly. Carol and he engaged in chatting about the joys of Toyota ownership and she took great pleasure in telling him that she too has a Corolla, albeit a very old one. As we approached the station the road stopped and the track led into a building site and as we pulled over there was a huge pit dug and Carol nearly fell into it as she stepped from the car. 

On the platform once we found somewhere cool to sit we waited for the train and Carol started chatting to the locals, a taxi driver and a bike taxi rider, she chatted away about bikes and riding in the UK, which has so many more constraints that riding in Thailand. With in ten minutes of chatting though she had found new friends and was sharing cigarettes and talking about bikes. This is one of the things I love about Carol, she has such a open and honest quality that she can find kindred spirits quickly.

Our train was spectacular, it was probably built when bronze was being worked on Salisbury plain and that was roughly when it was last cleaned too. The water tank above the toilet was leaking and had rotted the wall too making the place look like a mobile slum, it was both the most liberating and enjoyable part of the day, just riding the rails, chatting to another Danish traveller and watching the countryside flow by. 

Once we were away from Bangkok, the beauty of Thailand could shine through and temples which in Bangkok look tasteless and chintzy, in the middle of a flooded field look like a place of light away from the sodden mud. 

No there was not any snoring!

I find sitting on trains to be incredibly soporific and spent moments dozing in a dream state as the warm wind ruffled its way by my hot and sticky skin. At each station that the train stopped, Bangkok became more and more of a distant memory as well as a distant place, I could feel it sliding out from the the pores of my skin like a slick tar, creeping out poisonous and dirty. 

The paddy fields and the industrial places continued to slide past the train as it wormed its way through the countryside and then from the flat lands came a glorious sight, hills, steep rocky outcrops that were covered in thick forest, the urge to jump from the train and explore hit both Carol and I in the heart. The thought of riding bikes up those hills was a draw that both of us were incapable of fighting and as we crawled past in the train from a museum, both of us were planning our next few days.

The Railway provides fitness equipment.

Our arrival at Kanchanaburi was rapid, the guard warned us that we had only two minutes to get our stuff and get off the train once it stopped and so we struggled with out bags and got them sorted just as the train began to slow at the platform. Once off the train a local Taxi driver watched us for a few seconds before offering his services. We dumped our bags into the back of his pickup and climbed in with them, the cooler breeze blowing through as we drove to the guest house was lovely, but better than that was our arrival at Tara Bed & Breakfast. The girl who greeted us was so happy to see us, she had two of the lads carry our bags up to the room for us and told us to shower and rest before worrying about a formal check in. We could have hugged her. The room was palatial, the bed was in contrast to the room in Bangkok was soft and gloriously big. AS I write this now, I am pining for a bed I am yet to sleep in. Back in the bar we ordered our first real meal of the trip, T-bone steak for each of us and it was so tender and well cooked that the flavour flowed from the meat with every tiny chew. 

There was no pea placed under this mattress!

So that is us, shacked up in Tara's, enjoying the ambiance in the bar and getting ready to find a shop so that we can get some milk so that Carol can have a cuppa! Today has been a day above all others and so far my face hurts from smiling. By the way, it does not stink here either...

A while later we left the comfort of the bar and found ourselves in The River Kwai Bookshop, run an English ex pat and lovely bloke who it turns out used to run a book shop in Bridgewater. We fully understand why anyone would want to leave there and move to Thailand, to be honest we can fully understand why anyone would want to move from Bridgewater...

Wandering along the streets of Kanchanaburi it quickly became apparent once again that the people who suffer most at the indiscretions of the tourists is the local people who get treated to rudeness, arrogance and hostility by the holiday makers who want unreasonable requests granted with in seconds of asking. Seeing the locals dealing with these people makes me feel ashamed to be a tourist in this beautifully friendly country, where the culture is so respectful of each other. Manner cost nothing and when given out are returned ten fold in this country, being polite and saying please and thank you hardly seem difficult tasks and yet so many travellers seem to forget the basics as they go in search of themselves. If they want to truly find themselves I know where they can look, up their own arsehole! 

Monday 4th November Kanchanaburi day out

So our first night in TARA was utterly divine, the bed was so comfortable that I curled up and drifted off to sleep in a matter of minutes, not waking up until six AM when the pain in my shoulder decided that enough was enough and I needed to be awake. A dose of heavy painkillers later and I started to drift off once again, did I mention just how comfortable that bed is? I snuggled into Carol and was asleep in a heartbeat. 

Breakfast was lovely, TARA style it seems is to make everything lovely and once we had had our fill we wandered off down the road to have a chat with the lovely lady who owns Yanee Motorbike Hire, her name is ofcourse Yanee. The Kawasaki ER6 street bike parked outside Yanee is available for hire at the price of 1500 Baht per day (about £30), not an unreasonable amount in the real terms of the UK tourist, but here in Thailand it has too much power and the roads are barely big enough to get it safely out of third gear. What we wanted gave her a smile as she said in her accented English "that is what Thai people ride." She took us passed the plastic panel covered auto-scooters and there sat in the dust were two elegant Honda Wave 100 semi auto scooters, just the ticket for two tourists who want to explore the town and enjoy some countryside. Ask yourself this question when hiring a bike, do you really want to go above thirty miles per hour in a country where the roads are covered with unsafe drivers, farm animals, dogs and drunken tourists?

The bikes were great fun, although the drum brake on my bike felt like it was made out of semolina when I am used to the hard power of twin disks on my gloriously lovely Suzuki. The rear brake although more solid felt like the shoes were nearing the end of their life and the semi-auto gearbox made changes feel most odd due to the lack of a clutch. However once my initial confusion had been removed riding along became a pleasure, although it is not something I would want to do in Bangkok!

Now that is how you wear the latest sexy helmet range to come out of the scrap bin!

So our first destination was the railway bridge on the edge of town, that crosses the river... Called the "Bridge over the river Kwai" it is a bridge that crosses a river that was called something else until a while back when it became apparent that tourists like this sort of shit! Sure enough as we pulled up, the theme music from the famous Alec Guinness film was playing and people were snapping photos like bored people will burst the blisters on bubble wrap! Carol had to get a couple of pictures though, but it is not often that so many people get excited about a piece of civil engineering! The truth though is a little more sad, the rail line itself is the one that was constructed by POWs from the allied forces who were forced to build the railway line along this area by the Japanese. Thanks to the workings of Hollywood though, it is only a bridge that is remembered by many folks. 

The Bridge over the river Kwai that is not the bridge over the river Kwai!

From here we turned around and headed back into town and picked up some shopping at... Oh yes, we found a Tesco and in that Tesco was a section for the local motorcyclists! Take that Mr Tesco back in Weston, no one here asked us to remove our helmets or checked our ID for our age before allowing us to buy items for a rider of motorcycles. So we had to buy a couple of Thai Tax Disk holders for our beloved bikes back home. Not sure quite how legal they will be in the UK, but it was funny.

It was then back to TARA for a couple of drinks while we worked out where we wanted to go. With in a couple of minutes though it had become clear that our route was the big oval that runs over the river Kwai and back again and looping into town. It was not so far, but the scenery had the promise of being rather pretty, which it was. I shall let the photo's do the talking, but the ride although not fast was great fun.

More Drink!!!

Younger riders may need help to reach the controls

We dropped the bikes back at Yanee's and had a little chat about how much fun we had had, we gave back the horrific helmets and headed back to TARA for a swim and then dinner. The pool was lovely and after a day heated by the sun was as warm as a bath. The water was just so refreshing that I could not but help it and have a huge...! 

STOP RIGHT THERE YOUNG LADY!

NO, I did not wee in the pool, I had a float about and struggled at swimming in a similar way to that of a monkey with rabies and a fear of water! Carol could not let me flay about in fear of the water for too long before she started using technical terms to me like swim and tread water. A brief swimming lesson later and I was floating about with a little more confidence. What I need are a set of those inflatable arm bands that are given to young children!

Dinner this evening was sublime, with every mouthful my tongue reacted to the ecstasy of flavours and I swear that I became so blissed out I resembled a junkie. Dinner was a Thai dish of medium curried meats in a creamy sauce with a side of rice arranged into a heart shape. If you could judge nutrition on looks alone, this would have been the perfect meal. As someone who can be somewhat faddy in eating, trying something authentic was going to be a challenge for me, but what came to our tables was so beautifully cooked my mouth now lives in fear that I will never taste anything as good again and I may as well cut out my tongue! 

Food so good you may as well cut out your tongue afterwards because you will never find its equal.

Along with dinner Carol ordered a glass of Thai whiskey and got a little smashed, bless her! 

Me? Smashed on one drink? Never...

So that was day two in Kanchanaburi, I love this place, the people are lovely and while we had pulled over on the bike ride, so many people greeted us with warmth and smiles that I felt my heart lift. The most beautiful sight of the day was a little girl who was out with her mother and as she passed us waved. When we wished her a polite hello in Thai, she beamed so brightly I would put money on her out shining the sun. Even a cold stony heart like mine cannot but help but lift at such a happy smile. Thank you world for showing us so much beauty today.

Happy Fortieth Jayne, you miserable old whatsit!

Saturday 2nd November Jayne's Birthday treat day.

So I am forty today, which is just shit. I am moving further away from my youth with each day that passes and a milestone like this one is just another nail in my coffin! Well that is certainly one way to look at things and right now I am stone cold sober, under fed and exhausted and not least of all stuck in a city that smells similar to an infected vagina!

The Grand Palace, Bangkok.

Last night I managed some sleep, although I awoke at four AM in massive need of more pain killers and then settled down to read for a while. Two hours later and with the sun rising I managed to fall asleep again and managed another two hours of sleep before waking like a coiled spring. Carol awoke and wished me a happy birthday and then we wandered down for breakfast which was for me a slice and a half of egg on toast, but when the city makes your taste buds feel like some bastard has farted directly into your mouth, eating is not forefront of your desires, well not mine anyway.

After breakfast Carol asked me what I wanted to do on my Birthday, the thought of wandering around Bangkok's biggest outdoor market filled me with dread, to be honest the thought of walking around any market filled me with dread. I have discovered that I am not fond of shopping and to be honest think that most of the stuff I have seen here is tat, well apart from the Technic Lego Monster truck in Singapore Airport.

It was then that inspiration struck home and I asked if we could go for a massage together, to which Carol agreed. SO after a quick chat with the lovely girl on the hotel reception, we made our way down to the massage parlour and I had my nose and mouth covered with a tissue sprayed with my perfume to avoid gagging as we walked past the putrefying drains. I am sure that Cannibal Corpse could come here and get inspiration for a new song just by standing still and sniffing!

The massage parlour recommended to us turned out to be only a few hundred meters away and as we slipped off our shoes, we were shown in and told to sit on some plush leather stools. The room was fragrant in the way that only utter luxury can be and as we relaxed we were given the menu of massages. We explained that I have a serious neck and shoulder injury and the therapist studied the menu before recommending that I try a warm oil massage that would be gentle and relaxing. She was not wrong.

I can honestly say that every physiotherapist that has touched my shoulder has caused me nothing but pain and suffering, yet this woman's firm yet gentle touch left my skin smouldering with oil and my shoulder relaxed to the point that it almost did not hurt. However she could barely touch it before the pain levels shot through the roof and she gently eased the muscles and joint as far as I could stand. When she moved onto my right leg, the one hurt in the motorcycle accident I had in August, she managed to find more damage and spent some time working my right knee which caused me to yelp in pain. She then moved to my hands and massaged my fingers and yes you guessed it, more damage. This time from climbing and my shoulder injury and this time when I yelped, she laughed. I do not think that she has met some one with so many injuries before! Mind you, when she saw the large scar on my tummy I think she realised that I am physically far from perfect.

After an hour of painful bliss and with skin that felt so soft and sensual that I floated from the massage pad and back to the leather stool, to find a fresh cup of green tea waiting for me. With a level of expertise and professionalism bordering on fantastic to impeccable I cannot recommend them to anyone because you will then know my secret! Oh, ok then. If you are in Bangkok, check them out because they really are brilliant.

Baan Sabai Thai Massage
46, Soi Samsen,
6, Samsen Road, 
Pranakorn,
Bangkok.
10200.

You can phone them and book your place on this number.
02-628-5792. 

Tell them that the broken English girl sent you!

Following our massage we decided to wander over to the Grand Palace for a typical tourist thing to do and to be honest this was a mistake for us. To get there we had to walk through some rather busy parts of Bangkok and although armed with my scented tissue, it quickly wore away the goodness that the massage had done and with in a mile or so my pain levels had risen once again to previous levels and then started to rise past them. It was at this point that Carol led us into a maze of university students and riverside food establishments that looked like they were serving mutant chimeras fished straight from the oily and polluted river. The smell level once again rose and any thoughts of food evaporated from my mind.

Yes, that is a filthy smelling drain, filled with stagnant water running through the food stall!

However I was desperately thirsty and it seemed that there was no where that we could find a clean drink. It is worrying when stands have bottles of coke that have clearly been opened and refilled, the plastic security ring that breaks off from the lid, sat on the neck of the bottle.

Some one call Godzilla, there is a... oh never mind!

Finally we found a place that was selling cans of drink and we sated our thirst before wandering into the grand palace entrance, only to be refused entry due to us wearing strappy tops! I pulled on my green cardy and Carol went off to find a top. Sadly she did not hear the official Government advert saying that she could borrow free of charge a silk top that would be both cool and graceful, instead she ran into a tout outside who charged her for hire of a revolting dragon printed gents cotton shirt, the sort of shirt you saw Emo lads wearing in the early naughties!

So finally covered up we entered the grand palace and I was hugely underwhelmed. The buildings although spectacular have been coated in gold leaf and shiny glass tiles that make it look like a Pimps palace. Suddenly I can see where Disney, Las Vegas and the Steam Fair got their inspiration from, otherwise beautiful buildings have been blinged up and then the religious iconography is nailed home in the form of golden demons and Buddhas. For me this has the same appeal as visiting the Vatican and once again shows how much wealth the religions of the world have, which is sad when as we walked to the grand palace, we saw people living in utter poverty and destitution. This for me was a sour taste in my mouth (and I don't just mean the aroma of Bangkok).

Don't mention the poverty outside!

Once away from the temples and places of worship, we entered another building that had the most amazing wall painting, that went on in minute intricate detail for hundreds of meters. The original painting must have taken thousands and thousands of hours to do and was utterly spectacular. Mixed in the with painting was a visual story telling of Thailand's folklore and history. With gold leaf demons rampaging through battles against gold leaf fortresses, it was a lot to take in, but with the many thousands of people wandering about, snapping photos and having loud conversations, appreciation of such works of art become almost impossible and after nearly an hour we both needed a sit down.

As we sat for a few minutes it became apparent that the tourists about us that had come on coaches were infact a single living entity, in the same way that a swarm of bees or flock of swirling swallows resembles a single entity.

The urge to leave and hide in an anxiety safe box almost over powered me and even a normally placid Carol was starting to snarl as every photo she tried to take was swarmed through by loud, ignorant tourists who disregarded the requests not to stand on the polished marbled surface, lean on the ancient gold leaf covered statues or smoke in the arenas.

It would seem that Carol and I should not be around a multitude of swarming human beings if we want to remain sane. So with both of us feeling tired, hot and irritable we headed back towards the exit and found a nice place to sit out of the sun, in the quiet and have a drink. Right next to about a hundred old muzzle load cannons!

Once we had cooled down, enjoyed a peaceful drink and managed to escape form the confines of the several coach tours, we found our way back on the street to have our senses battered by touts for who no has no meaning and insisted on shoving their cheap plastic Buddha in our faces until we got a bit rude and told them firmly no! AS we walked away a passing TukTuk pulled in and asked us if we wanted to ride back to the hotel, we gratefully climbed aboard having agreed a slightly higher than usual price and made our way to the hotel. We have still not eaten, we are still tired and after the days stresses, the pains in my shoulder, hand and Carol's foot are even greater than before. To me it feels like another Massage is needed!

Bangkok, oh how I love thee

Thursday 31st October Halloween

I woke up this morning bitten to fuck by insects, Carol is bite free and said so in the sheepish manner of a person who is glad that they are travelling with some one who attracts the bugs away from every one else! Yes, I am bug food in the very literal sense here. Another dawn saw us waking up with the sun and feeling quite content to do so, the streets outside are busy and there is even some building work going on somewhere, which given the state of the buildings around here means that another level could be being constructed on top of one of the rickety buildings in the street.

Breakfast was another treat of scrambled egg on toast and served by yet more polite and helpful Thai folk, who must be sick to death of travellers expecting the world on a plate here. I can honestly say that the people who work and run this hotel are so kind and considerate that to treat them with anything other than the same back would show just how poor European standards are when communicating with our neighbours. Carol has pointed out to me yet again the difference here among road users, Road Rage does not seem to exist here, it is just a case of live and let live. A truly remarkable way of being given the amounts of traffic on the streets and how much of it is young people on mopeds and scooters who ride about in the sort of gear that would horrify the average DSA examiner. Remember folks, back in dear old Blighty, for a young person to ride a bike they must take several tests and then be restricted to a certain power level decided not by their skill level but by their age.

Seeing another culture that is so different from our own in so many ways makes me realise just how tightly compressed and controlled the people of Britain are. Surely with the state of the nation people should be rising up and demanding change, not laying down like a dog pleased to have its belly tickled no matter the cost to personal dignity. There is Poverty here in Thailand and some of it is very extreme, but there is also freedom and peace. I have not felt at risk walking down the streets here like I do at home on a Friday night. Any violent outbursts I have seen so far have all been in form of tourists combined with alcohol or tourists combined with frustrated locals. This may well be a rose tinted view of the people here, but when every one is friendly and wants to know where we are from and wants to say hello, what can we expect. Yet when we eat breakfast, none of the other tourists will make eye contact and it almost feels like they wish to remain silent, talking only to those in their particular group. A very insular bunch it would seem.

One assault on the senses this morning was the rising smell of Bangkok, which Carol informs me is to her barely noticeable, one dreads to think how she achieved this level of immunity, but I suspect I know the cause of this and can possibly point the finger at my own bottom. For me though, the smell of Bangkok is close to revolting, that rising stench of drains and fried food, the delicate putrefaction of the streets lined with the bustle of a busy population.

Currently I am typing this while laying down on my tummy. It would seem that I am one of the very few travellers in the world who goes to exotic locations and gets constipation! I feel like I have eaten a tub of quick drying cement and it has balled up in my lower intestines, which means todays plans for a trip to the grand palace may have to be cancelled for a little while.

Friday 1st November

I did not sleep last night, being tired and emotional both of us had a rough evening and ended up fighting into the early hours. These are the things that a strong relationship can overcome and once the frustration at the things we cannot change and the anger over the things that hurt have faded away, love takes over and all is mended. That is until "she" starts snoring/farting and then one of us wants to kill the other!

So with two hours sleep behind me and more pain than I truly deserve we went for breakfast this morning and I managed two slices of toast before returning to our room and Carol putting me back to bed with the words, "get some sleep." So pumped full of painkillers I hit the sack under the icy blast of the air con machine. Bliss. I woke up at twelve and managed yet more painkillers and returned to sleep for another hour before I managed to wake up fully and then we got ready to go out and indulge in the joys of Bangkok.

By its own admission, Bangkok has a very serious hygiene problem, to paraphrase the man in the restaurant in the film The Blues Brothers "Frankly Bangkok is offensive, smelling, I mean it smells bad!" A combination of pollution, bad drainage, heat and street cooking make Bangkok an assault upon the nose, but I was able to ignore it for long enough to go out and enjoy some time with Carol. However as we crossed the river I noticed the tell tale signs of hydrogen sulphide bubbles rising through the water and bursting into the air.

Do not drink from here!

Years of the cities waste being pumped into the rivers and streams have given them an ecology that borders on toxic, any locals who are immune to that river have become so through great suffering. To any westerner who is foolish enough to go in that water, disease awaits.

Anyway, back in Bangkok and Carol was on a mission to find something nice to wear. It is nice to see Carol enjoying herself and after a while it became clear that every stall had the same old shit bought from the same supplier and then sold to Westerners who want that Eastern experience. The locals are wandering around looking good in nice dresses, jeans and shirts or nicely designed outfits. The serious tourists are the ones in sun cream and Rohan trousers, overly technical and barely used cameras weighing them down like anchors around their necks. Then there are the drunken slob tourists in shorts, flip flops and ripped vest tops and with a half drunk beer in each hand as they shout their conversation to the fellow slob stood next to them.

Some lovely tourists

Finally we have the hippy chic tourists, the one in the Indian style pants that have the crotch by the ankles so that it looks like they are wearing a pillow case that has been tied in each corner about their ankles. These tourists generally have dreads, a dirty face and an even dirtier back pack. Dirty feet are slid into dirty sandles and for the women there is the ubiquitous ankle bracelet that contains at least two small bells and depending on the length of the trip, more! I have nothing in common with any of these people and can only conclude that this is why none of our fellow travellers in our hotel will engage in conversation despite my smiles and politely spoken hellos.

Carol and I searched through the stalls and then like an oasis in the desert, we found the one stall that had one last skirt hidden in the dark under store of the piles of fashionable rags sold as clothes. In bold reds and blacks, it was beautiful and once she had slipped into it, Carol looked gorgeous. After hours of struggling to find it, we had succeeded and it was promptly bought for the price of about £2.00! From there is was off to the Tailors to see how her custom Bike Leathers were coming along.

St Michaels Fashions of Bangkok is a lovely shop and the charming gentleman who runs the store is both efficient and helpful.

As a guy in his mid twenties he is sharply dressed, cool in his height of fashion shoes and grey business trousers cut perfectly to his form. Originally from Burma he is as settled in Thailand as any local and he seems genuinely happy to be there. Carol's leather jeans were cut out in pattern form and stitched together as a fabric guide, the real leather will be cut soon and then it will be stitched together by a woman so small she can barely reach up to adjust the collars of the clothes she is making for us! The gentleman of the store adjusts carols waist coat pattern until it hugs her form perfectly and makes her look like a hard biker, even when she is on foot in a tailors in the posher bit of Bangkok!

Some one is a very happy teddy indeed.

Once happy, we made our outside and hired a TukTuk to take us back to the hotel and the cool of the air con machine. Our clothes were soaked with sweat and needed washing there and then, so it was into the shower and rinse the sweat and dirt from out clothes.

We then decided to head out into the city to find a restaurant and maybe have our first meal out together since arriving in Bangkok on Monday. As soon as I stepped out of the room, the hot stink of Bangkok filled my nostrils causing me to gag slightly. Down stairs the receptionist had the main doors wide open and the smell had invaded like the smell of the Diskworlds Foul ole Ron! Outside the smell was pungent and raped my olfactory senses in a brutal attack, I swallowed back the bile brought up into my throat and we made our way to a restaurant. With in meters of the hotel, any appetite I had had vanished to be replaced by the urge to purge the contents of my stomach onto the street. Carol was not impressed and so with a heavy heart and my hand clasped across my nose, we returned to the hotel. I truly am such a wimp.